Eternal Love
by Ssparkle2
Summary: Carlisle and Esme are central to the Twilight series and yet we never find out how they felt about each other in the beginning. Why did Carlisle choose to change her? Story explores the developing love between the two. Would love to hear your reviews!
1. The First Meeting

'The first time I saw Edward look at Bella, I knew. It was at the hospital after Bella's near miss with Tyler's truck.

After leaving Bella and Chief Swan – assuring the latter that his daughter was just fine; I ran into Rosalie and Edward having a 'discussion' in the hospital corridor. Rosalie had overheard Bella telling me that she would not have been fine were it not for Edward saving her. Trust my headstrong 'son' to get involved with the Chief of Police's daughter!

Rosalie was livid at Edward's intervention. She was convinced that Bella would tell anyone and everyone that would listen about the superhuman strength and speed she had witnessed and was adamant that we should make plans to move immediately to our home in Montreal. Edward, as usual, was playing down any risk insisting that it wasn't possible for Bella to have seen him standing across the car park or push Tyler Crowley's truck away.

I had managed to placate Rosalie by telling her that we would see how things panned out over the next couple of hours before taking flight and reminding her that disappearing would cause its own problems.

Turning to return to work I caught Bella's scent and then heard her walking around the corner. I saw Edward glance at her face and just knew. I may not have Alice's precognition, or Edward's ability to read minds, but the look that was on Edwards face in the millisecond before he rearranged his expression, I knew only too well. Because it mirrored my expression as I looked at a particular young woman almost a century earlier.

Playing the works of classical composers through my mind is the only way I know of masking any of my thoughts from Edward – so it was with Mozart's clarinet concerto running through my head that I guided Rosalie down the corridor. Knowing as I did so that he would realise I was hiding something from him.

Once I had finished my rounds and made a quick call, I knew my 'children' were all occupied at home so I headed to my office to be alone with my thoughts.

The year was 1911 and I was working in a hospital in Ohio. I was the only doctor on call on this particular Saturday – I didn't mind working nights and weekends for obvious reasons. A young girl had been brought in after falling out of a tree. I had to chuckle to myself as I walked towards the ward – at the vision of a young lady climbing a tree – almost unheard of, and definitely frowned upon at the time – and wondered what sort of wild child would greet me.

As I pushed open the swing door I was hit with the most delicious and mouth watering scent. I had to hold on to the door as I felt my knees go weak and venom burn my throat with a fiery passion I had not felt since my changing almost 250 years before. What was this? I had not thirsted for human blood in more than two centuries, I did not even think of it anymore, and yet here I was, having to hold myself back. This feeling both disgusted and intrigued me. Who on earth could make me feel like this?

It took all my strength to swallow the venom that filled my mouth, push my desire away and continue into the ward.

I was called by the nurse to a bed on the far left of the room. I walked closer; I could feel my thirst mounting and my resolve weakening with every step– yet I knew it was nothing to do with the nurse, who I had worked with on numerous occasions previously. The patient in the bed then? It must be. Swallowing back the fire in my throat I pulled back the curtain.

Although completely unnecessary, I took a sharp intake of breath as I saw the most stunningly beautiful and inviting creature I had ever seen. Her eyes were squeezed shut in agony, and her fists were clenching onto each side of the hospital bed before me. My own agony mirrored hers as I felt her 'scent' burn through my mouth and down my throat with renewed ferocity.

Simultaneously, I wanted to kill her - I wanted to drink her blood, and feel it pulsing through my body; and yet, I wanted to stand as protector over her forever more ensuring no harm ever came to her, killing anyone that would hurt her. I shook my head to clear my mind of these foolish and disturbing thoughts and asked her mother exactly what had happened.

On hearing the story I knew that I had to examine the leg itself in case the bone had moved out of position. The idea of touching her leg filled me with both longing and fear – what if I couldn't control my blood lust? I told myself not to be ridiculous and spoke to the girl.

"Miss Platt? Can you hear me?"

A groan was all I got in response and I knew then that I would move heaven and earth to stop her feeling any pain.

"I'm going to have to examine your leg. I'll be as gentle and as quick as I can and then I will find you something to ease your pain."

If I had still had a beating heart it would have been flying out of my chest at about this time, but as it was, with professional and steady hands, I very gently felt my way from her ankle to her knee to find the whereabouts and severity of the break. Luckily, my medical experience took over and I was quickly able to identify the broken bone – although the cry of pain she let out when I touched the break site almost brought me to my knees – such was my desire to protect her.

Informing the nurse to plaster the break, I left the ward. Knowing that I would have to be back before anyone missed me, I left the hospital and I ran. I ran blindly, knowing that no-one would see me – I ran through the town, I ran through the forest, I ran all the way to the shores of the great lake – and still I could not get the girl from my mind nor the taste of venom from my tongue. I had never felt this before; this intense desire towards one person. Lonely? Yes, I had felt that – loneliness was almost a constant companion of mine. But never this desire.

I returned to the hospital, knowing that this would be my last shift there. I could not live and work in a place where temptation was that strong. I was uncomfortable that I thirsted after a human's blood - I had assumed that I had completely defeated that particular vampire trait. To be safe I quickly hunted on the way back to try and satiate my thirst.

Before I left that evening I built up the courage to once again visit with Miss Platt.

I was hit with the strong, heady aroma and the subsequent desire as soon as I walked into the ward. Hunting had not helped at all. I found her sitting up in bed with her leg plastered and propped up on a selection of pillows. Her cheeks were flushed and her eyes were bright and intelligent and full of laughter, her heart shaped face was framed with beautiful caramel coloured hair. I couldn't find the words to even begin to explain how I was feeling. Need? Yes. Want? Definitely. Desire? Without question. Passion? Unlike any I had ever known. Protective? I would move mountains to stop her feeling pain. Infatuation? I suspected so. Love? Wait – love? Did this explain my feelings? I didn't even know her so how could I love her?

I sat on the stool at the side of her bed and she looked me full in the face. I felt like a deer caught in the hunters sights. I felt that she could read my mind and see into my soul. We stared at each other for a minute and I took the time to examine and commit to memory every millimetre of her face before I remembered myself and cleared my throat, which sent another wave of fire and venom through me.

"How are you feeling now, Miss Platt?"

And then I heard her voice for the first time –

"Thank you so much Doctor Cullen!" She spoke my name and sent a shudder down my spine. "My mother told me that you dealt with me very quickly. I feel fine at the moment but I suppose that's something to do with all the pain medication!" she joked.

At that moment, I knew that I could spend the rest of my life – or whatever you called my existence – looking at her face and listening to her voice. I also knew that I could never see her again. I couldn't put her in danger. I was afraid of my feelings for her. I was afraid that I would not be able to control the monster inside of me that I had, up until I met her, been able to easily keep hidden away.

"I'll make sure the nurse gives you enough medication to keep you comfortable at home."

Was my voice wavering? Could she hear that?

"When will you take my plaster off Doctor?" She asked, her voice like kisses caressing my ears.

"My colleague will take the plaster off in 6 weeks once your bone has healed, you were lucky, the break could have been much worse." I managed to reply.

"Oh." Was that disappointment in her voice? "Will I not see you again then?"

The blood was rising in her face causing her cheeks to blush redder than before – I knew that I had to get out of the ward before saying something inappropriate for a doctor to his patient or before I could no longer keep my blood lust in check.

I cleared my throat once more before managing to stammer out, "I'm afraid not, I'm leaving the hospital, this is my last shift actually. I'll get the nurse to come and speak to you about your care at home. Goodbye then. Oh, and no more climbing trees!" I tried in vain to sound normal.

I hastened out of the ward to pack up the few things from my office. I knew that I could be out of Ohio in less than an hour. I hoped at that time to be able to forget the beautiful girl, or at least get rid of the infatuation I was feeling now. How wrong I was.


	2. The Discovery

**Chapter 2**

7 years after I met Esme Platt for the first time the loneliness had become too much to bear and I had spiralled into a deep depression. That was when I met the woman who would give me my life back. Edward's birth mother. She begged me to do whatever I could to save him. Still after all these years I'm not sure that I 'saved' him as such, but I certainly stopped him from dying and in doing that I saved myself. It was the first time I changed someone – in fact it was the first time I tasted human blood. I will never forget that first taste and how hard it was to stop.

The glimpse of the monster I had seen 7 years previously had been allowed to taste blood and it wanted more. I don't know how I found the will power to stop myself from killing Edward – becoming immune to the smell is one thing, but to taste it; well, that's something I didn't like to dwell on too much at the time.

I almost managed to put Esme out of my mind. For a couple of years all my time was taken up with Edward. Teaching him, nurturing him, helping him to adjust to the huge change he had gone through. There were some tricky times when he was a newborn – human parents don't know how good they have it with just sleepless nights and dirty nappies! – For a while we had to live deep in the forest while Edward's human blood lust receded. He was too strong for me to stop if it took him while we were surrounded by people.

In 1920, Edward was ready to rejoin society properly and we wandered from state to state before deciding to settle for a time in Wisconsin. Edward's ability was a great asset during this time, although it wasn't always a blessing having him in my head! Because of his gift he knew all about Esme and the way I felt about her, as Edward had become easier to manage thoughts of her had crept back in to my mind. We had talked briefly about it and agreed that I had done the right thing – and he was tactful and mature enough, despite being changed at such a young age, not to mention her to me.

I went back to work in the local hospital while Edward studied, as before he was changed he had not been able to carry on with his education – well he had all the time in the world now.

The day that changed my whole existence began as a normal bright spring morning. After an uneventful work day I had to finish off my shift by signing two or three death certificates. My colleagues knew that I wasn't squeamish about the morgue in any way, (if only they knew the truth!) so it was often left to me when I was on shift to make the trip downstairs.

As soon as I began to descend the stairs I knew something was not right. There was always the smell of human blood around the hospital, the reason Edward did not visit me at work, but there was something else there too; something more. As I got to the morgue doors the undercurrent of fresh human blood got stronger, not weaker as it should have been. I began to feel very uneasy as a horrible realisation formed in my mind. I knew that scent in the air. I would recognise it anywhere. I placed my hand on the wall to steady myself remembering the first time I had experienced it.

My Esme? In the morgue? I was strong enough to reject human blood but was I strong enough to deal with this? The one I had loved since seeing her for the first time 10 years previously and had thought about every day from that day to this. Cold, dead, unmoving and unfeeling? The thought made me shudder involuntarily.

Wait – I wasn't thinking clearly. I took a moment longer to steady myself and listened - tuning out the cacophony of the rest of the hospital until I was focused only on the morgue.

Yes...there it was...the distinct 'thump thump' of a heart beat. Slow and unsteady but nevertheless it was present. I would know as soon as I opened the door whether it was my love, or another, who lay barely alive and not long for this world.

As I swung open the doors I was hit once again by her most amazing scent. Powerful enough to stop me in my tracks and fill my throat with fire. She was alive!

It took me but one of her laboured heartbeats to find her gurney and pull back the cloth covering her face. For the second time I gasped as I saw Esme again. Although still the most beautiful and striking woman I had ever seen, time had not been kind to her. As my sensitive eyes took in the faded scars on her face I felt another emotion: Rage. I peeled back the rest of the sheet from her naked form and was appalled by the extent of her injuries – and the other numerous healed scars on her pallid skin. Once more my professionalism took over as I felt all her limbs, her torso and skull. She was in a very bad way. All four limbs broken numerous times, at least one skull fracture, a shattered cheek bone, broken jaw, eight or nine broken ribs and who knew what internal damage had been done. I imagined it was extensive as I surveyed the extent of the bruising on her abdomen.

I knew that there was no way I could save her. Little did I know that in just a few decades, medical science would have moved on so far that she would have a very good chance of survival. But 'then'? Ultra sound machines, heart transplants, and delicate brain operations via keyhole surgery had not even been thought of.

I could not save her but I could not let her die.

As I grappled with my inner turmoil I heard someone coming down the stairs. Wrapping Esme back in her sheet I ran once again from a hospital; although this time not away _from_ her, but away _with_ her; in my arms. As I ran I noticed that as ill as she was, it felt right to hold her in my arms and feel her body close to mine.


	3. Carlisle's Heartache

**Chapter 3**

It was dark by the time Edward returned that night. He walked in and one glance at my haggard expression, and one look into my head told him everything.

"Esme?" He shot a quizzical look at the stairs. I saw him inhale sharply through his nose and physically jerk at the scent of human blood that filled his nostrils. Being so young meant that any human's blood smelled irresistible. "What have you decided to do?" he said while trying desperately not catch any more of the aroma in his throat.

I did not say anything. I didn't have to. In my head all I could think was 'I can't let her die; I can't.' over and over like a mantra. Edward could obviously hear this.

He knelt in front of me – wise beyond his years and looked into my face.

"So, don't," was all he said; and then "I'll give you some space." And he was gone back out the way he came in.

Apart from wanting to give me some space to do what I was about to do, I also knew that Edward was concerned about being in such close proximity to fresh human blood. He was still so young and had some trouble with his urges – he wouldn't want to make this any harder for me than he knew it would be.

I could hear Esme's heartbeat getting weaker by the second and knew that I had to act fast before it stopped altogether. I raced up the stairs and knelt next to her where she was lying on a bed left by the previous owners of the house.

I inhaled freely and felt her scent wash through me making every bone in my body ache with longing. I stroked her hair, her face, her neck; I traced the outline of her lips with my fingers and gently rested my head on her battered and broken chest where I could feel her heart falter.

I whispered in her ear, "I'm sorry...I'm so sorry. I can't lose you again. I hate to cause you any more pain. You see...I...I love you, Esme. I can't let you die."My voice broke and a dry sob erupted from somewhere deep within me.

Summoning all my strength knowing that I would need it in just a few short moments, I put my lips to her neck kissing her gently. I breathed in her heady scent once more... and bit her.

As her hot blood filled my mouth I felt a rush of emotions more powerful than any I had experienced before. Relief, hunger, longing, desire, and euphoria – I felt this above all others. It had not felt like this when I changed Edward. Yes it had been hard, but nothing like this. I knew I couldn't take too much or she wouldn't survive but I couldn't stop.

Yes. Yes I could stop. I wrenched myself away and wiped my mouth on my sleeve. Pains coursed through my body as it fought to finish what it had started – I convulsed on the floor as Esme did on the bed, both of us fighting with our bodies.

Edward came to find us hours later. Esme still thrashing on the bed and me huddled in a corner my knees drawn up to my chest. He dealt with me first – again kneeling in front of me. "You love her Carlisle?" He asked, although it was more a statement than a question. I managed to nod my head through my despair. "Then you did the right thing, for I know you could not live without her. You got through the change on your own; I got through it with your help. Esme will get through it with the help of both of us," He said.

Once more we travelled to hide out in the woods – Edward carried my love as I did not trust myself to do it knowing what her taste did to me. We knew that she would feel no pain from her previous injuries as the pain of transformation would fill her conscious and subconscious mind completely.

As we waited for Esme to complete her transformation we talked openly and fully about her for the first time. I told him of my suspicions concerning the old scars all over her body and he told me that he had found out she had lost a baby after only 3 days and that, he suspected, was why she tried to kill herself. Many times through those days did I find myself wondering if I had done the right thing. Always to be reassured by Edward that I had; without ever having to speak my fears aloud.

We talked about what we would do and where we would go after Esme completed her transformation. I wanted to wait until Esme awoke so that we could gauge her reaction before deciding anything, but Edward was very insistent about some things – so whether he could read her mind or not in her state of unconsciousness I've never known. Nevertheless, we decided that Esme and I would go to a deserted Island to pass the initial swell of blood lust as the woods were becoming more and more populated, and Edward would meet us back there in a couple of months – on this he would not budge. I tried to persuade him to come with us – I didn't like the idea of him being alone in this unfriendly world, but to no avail.

On the third evening I had been hunting and brought back a deer for Edward, who had stayed to watch over Esme as I still found it difficult to be alone with her without feeling an intense draw to her. Something both Edward and I felt would disappear once she had completed.

As I approached, Edward spoke, "It's over Carlisle. Her heart's stopped beating. Now we just wait for her to wake up."

I walked over to the lifeless body and wondered if I had helped her or forced her to endure an existence she would never have wanted. Edward came and stood next to me and put an arm around my shoulders in an expression of compassion and sympathy.

"I'm going to need your help Edward. It was almost impossible for me to exercise any kind of control over you when you were first newborn, and we were in a more or less confined space when you woke. It's going to take both of us to restrain her."

Edward chuckled as he pointed to my left forearm – the one he had taken a chunk out of just a couple of hours after he woke up. "Sorry about that," He muttered. At least he had the grace to be ashamed. I couldn't blame him though – nothing makes sense when you first wake up. I patted him on the shoulder and assured him once more in my head, that it was fine and I forgave him – but that I wasn't about to let him forget it in a hurry – at which he chuckled again.

We both looked down at the sleeping newly formed vampire on the ground. To a human's eye now more beautiful than she ever was as a mortal; but to me just as beautiful. All traces of injuries and scars eradicated. All traces of the abuse I had decided she must have suffered at the hands of, well, who knew whom, gone now. Of course I couldn't tell what mental scars would remain. If Edward was right and she had lost her newborn baby less than a week ago the mental scars would be extensive.


	4. Waking

**Chapter 4**

A groan escaped Esme's lips and a second later her eyes flew open exposing the crimson red irises of a newborn vampire.

She looked around wildly trying to find something to lock onto in the unfamiliar environment. As she took an unnecessary breath both Edward and I winced remembering the pain and hunger that comes with that breath. Closing her eyes and letting out a guttural wail more animal than human we knew that Esme was feeling that fire for the first time. My heart ached to hear that sound coming from her lips. If I could have taken all the hurt and pain she must have been feeling and had it myself I would have.

It pained me even more to know that I was just another man to cause her suffering and wanted her to understand that the last thing I ever wanted to do was hurt her.

Esme opened her eyes again – this time more warily, and took in her surroundings.

"Esme..." It was Edward's voice that my darling heard upon her wakening, not mine. I found myself unable to utter a single word; overcome with emotion. "Esme..." he repeated "I know this sounds unusual but try not to breath. Don't be scared you will be ok. You don't need to anymore."

She drew breath once more and wincing in pain opened her mouth to speak, "Am I dead?" she managed.

"No," I replied, finding my voice at last and moving into her line of sight. "You're not dead, you're...different." I crouched down to be closer to her and felt Edward move in close behind me, just in case. "I'll explain everything to you. But first - this is Edward, my...son - for all intents and purposes, and I'm Carlisle, Carlisle Cullen. You have met me before but might not remember. Don't be scared. Please don't be scared."

I watched as she began to struggle to sit up before realising that she didn't need to and sprang into a seated position. Wonderment replaced the look of incomprehension on her face.

"What am I?" She asked, and then, "No, wait a minute," She shook her head. "You're Carlisle Cullen? Dr Cullen? You're wrong, I do remember you." Her face split into a smile. That smile was like oxygen to me – like nectar to a bee – it swelled my heart and once more I found myself longing to touch her, to taste her. A feeling I had assumed would pass once she was one of us.

Suddenly, her eyes widened and she let out a primeval scream that sent the nesting birds fleeing from the surrounding trees. At once she was on her hands and knees alternately howling in anguish and retching in an automatic response to the pain in her throat and that of her memories.

"She's remembering her baby," Edward informed me. "I'm going to fetch the car; I don't think she's going to be a problem for you. She's not thinking about anything else. Not the pain, not the thirst. Just her grief. I won't be gone long."

With that, he had gone; to fetch the Ford Model T that he had insisted we buy and were using to get us to the coast.

I looked once again at the object of my desire and felt her pain as if it were my own. Her face contorted in grief that I knew she would now be remembering with more clarity than she ever could as a mortal. I sat beside her and risked placing my hand on her arm.

"It will, with time, fade, my love. You will never forget your beautiful boy, and you will never stop grieving in some way, but it will fade. That is all I can promise."

Inappropriately, I suddenly remembered that the last time I had allowed myself to be this close to Esme I had been drinking from her – I felt my desire beginning to grow once more and was disgusted with myself. Looking up, I was startled to find Esme staring at me intently.

"Something's the matter," she stated through her anguish. "Do I disgust you?"

I threw caution to the wind and enveloped her in a hug, all too aware that had she chosen to, she could tear my head off at any moment. When I spoke it was into her hair.

"Disgust me? Esme..." I relished calling her by her name and rolled it around my mouth again, "Esme, you do the opposite of disgust me. Why would you disgust me?" I noticed, although I tried hard not to, that her scent was hardly changed from when she had been mortal and had to swallow several times to compose myself.

"Because I sinned, because... I tried to commit suicide," came the muffled reply from below my chin.

I thought hard before replying. Yes, I was the son of a pastor, but a pastor who made it his life's work to rid the world of 'evil' often mistakenly murdering innocent people. Yes, I had been taught that suicide was a sin – but really, how was what I had done to this defenceless woman any less sinful? Because of me, there would be no St. Peter in her foreseeable future. To add to all of these thoughts in my head, there was also the fact that once I realised that I had been bitten and what I had become, I tried to end my own life in a multitude of ways. I found my voice,

"Do I believe suicide is a sin? Honestly, I used to. Then I came to a place in my life where I could see no other option open to me but suicide. If trying to commit suicide is a sin, then trying more than once must be unforgivable. As a doctor I have been unable to save many patients through wrong diagnosis or inadequate facilities – which also makes me a murderer." I was not ready to divulge to her that I had in fact also technically killed her and the handsome young man that had been with us previously.

At that moment I heard the roar of the car engine and released Esme, knowing that being startled could cause her to lash out. I got up quickly so as to be ready to catch her or try to restrain her if necessary and waited for Edward.


	5. A Journey and a Goodbye

**Chapter 5**

It took most of the car ride to the coast and then the boat ride to the island to explain to Esme what had happened, what I had done and what she could expect to feel. Several times during the journey Edward and I had to fight to restrain her and keep her intense blood lust in check. At other times she was wildly angry; sometimes at me, at the world, at herself; and she was often grief stricken – although Edward assured me that she was thinking about other things more and more. However, getting him to elaborate on what these were was nigh on impossible.

Edward was coming with us as far as the Island and would then be back to pick us up in 10 weeks time. Hopefully by this time Esme's want for human blood would have subsided enough for her to control herself somewhat. If, for whatever reason, Edward was unable to pick us up by the time 3 months had passed we were to assume he could not and swim for the mainland. Not a thought I relished, but not one that filled me with dread either. More concerning was the thought that Edward might not return.

The morning we arrived at the Island was a beautifully sunny morning, as they all were on the Island and saw Esme in a contemplative mood. Edward anchored as close as he could to the beach and we all stepped into the sunlight ready to swim to shore. Esme gazed astounded at the beauty of our skin as we sparkled in the sun – it was the first time she had seen us like this, the first time she had been in direct sunlight since she was mortal. The sight of the smile on her face warmed my ancient soul.

Her smile put all three of us in a playful mood which Edward demonstrated by pushing me into the clear blue water and following himself with a perfectly executed dive; much more elegant than my forced entrance. Esme watched on as we splashed and raced each other to dive to the ocean floor – Edward beating me every time. Childish but good fun! It obviously became too much for Esme as she gave in and joined us with a tremendous splash. We spent hours leaping and diving with the dolphins and chasing sharks. Esme passed me as she went after a particularly large great white and I had to smile to myself as I remembered the wild child that climbed trees ten years ago.

We eventually made it to the beach and hunted before Edward left on the return journey to the main land.

I walked with him to the beach while Esme bathed in a fresh water creek further inland.

I embraced him as a father would. "Be careful, Edward. I mean it. You are my son, my brother, my friend."

"There are some things that I need to take care of, and then I'll be back to pick the two of you up. Be good." He said smirking. I was sorely tempted to ask what he saw in Esme's head as it was driving me crazy not knowing how she felt about me, but I thought better of it at the last minute. I would rather find out myself in due course.

He dove into the water once more. When he reached the boat he turned to wave. I felt uneasy about his leaving us, about him being alone, but I knew better than to try and change his mind.

I turned inland and headed towards Esme and what I hoped would be my future.


	6. New Experiences

**Chapter 6**

Esme and I sat companionably side by side on the beach watching the last rays of the sun set into the shimmering ocean. Darkness wasn't a problem for us. We could see just as well at night as in the day and would have been able to even without the full moon and the plethora of stars lighting the night sky. As had been our ritual for the past 10 nights, since Edward had left, Esme asked me to name the constellations for her as they appeared. It seemed to me that she was somewhat embarrassed by her lack of formal schooling – a fact I found hard to believe as she was a very knowledgeable woman – and seemed to be trying to hoard all the knowledge in my head. She asked questions about anything and everything. Her natural curiosity was just another thing for me to love about her. We talked through the night, hunted by day, and talked the rest of the days away.

She was slowly, very slowly, coming to terms with the loss of her baby – and talking about it seemed to help. She told me all about her abusive husband and the events leading up to her suicide attempt. Learning the true events made me boil with untapped rage. I wanted to rip his head off. I wanted to hurt him in all the ways he had hurt her – I wanted him to suffer and beg me to stop. It went against every moral belief that I held, but the things he had done to my Esme, I couldn't hear about or think about them without bitter venom filling my mouth.

Privately, I couldn't believe how strong my desire for her still was. The need had not gone as I had anticipated. If anything it grew more with every day I was with her. I inhaled her scent whenever we were close and savoured every 'accidental' brush of my arm against hers when we hunted together.

One night as we sat watching the stars, I knew that I would have to tell her how I felt – if I didn't something in me was going to burst – no amount of racing around the island or hunting sharks was going to make this feeling go away.

Yet again her concern for me astounded me.

"Carl?" She had taken to calling me this – something that I didn't mind at all. Every time she said my name this way I felt myself smile inside. "Will you tell me why you looked so unhappy in the woods after I had woken up? Don't tell me it was nothing. I can read your face. You feel whatever it was sometimes here too. It looks like disgust to me but you assured me it wasn't. Please tell me."

I turned to kneel in front of her and looked straight into the eyes of the woman I had loved from the moment I met her. I moved closer. My hand followed the path it had taken 5 weeks ago; it was the first time I had allowed myself to touch her, for more than a split second, since I had changed her. I stroked her caramel hair, I caressed her face and her neck with my finger tips, and I inhaled her scent and felt the fire of desire course through my body. I traced the outline of her lips with my index finger and gently brushed the hair from her shoulders. Getting hold of myself I psyched myself up to tell her the truth.

Before I could open my mouth to speak she had darted forward so that she too was kneeling, just in front of me, her newborn speed still far surpassing mine. She held my face in her hands and looked at me with hooded yet questioning eyes. "Now, you don't look disgusted," she muttered huskily. What was this? Could she feel the same way?

She inched slowly closer; in fact it would even have been slow for a human, until our lips were no more than a couple of inches apart. She exhaled and I felt her scent envelop me invitingly – I exhaled too to try and release some of the pressure I was feeling in my chest. She sighed audibly and, remembering how heightened your senses are as a newborn, I wondered again if she felt the same way I did.

I moved this time to close the gap between our lips. Millimetres apart she smiled and whispered, "I've imagined this for the last ten years." Well, there was my answer.

Who made the next move I will never know, but then her lips were on mine and her hands were around my neck. I pulled her closer to me and felt her lips part as our kiss became more passionate. Oh, this was all I had imagined and more. The feeling of euphoria I felt when drinking her blood was nothing compared to this. This was my desire. She was my desire. It was this that I wanted. I wanted to hold her and kiss her forever more. No other thoughts filled my head – just her.

I could feel her hold getting tighter and reluctantly I had to pull away. "Esme – you're so much stronger than me. Don't get me wrong. Being crushed to death by you would be a great way to go, but I'd like to spend a lot more time with you first!"

Esme chuckled – a sound that warmed me to the core. "Sorry, consider me suitable chastised. I got carried away. Now tell me why you looked disgusted before."

"Honestly? I was disgusted by myself. At the fact that I wanted you and how amazing you smelled and how I was thinking about what you tasted like whilst you were so upset."

This caused an out and out belly laugh from her which became infectious and ended with us both rolling on the sand laughing.

"So, just how much stronger than you am I?" Esme inquired trying desperately to look innocent.

"At the moment? Much stronger than me – take advantage while you can though – it won't last!" I promised, not wanting to lie about anything.

In a move faster than the eye could see, she pounced on me, wrestled me to the ground and had my arms pinned above my head. "Hmm, I think I will take advantage!" she chuckled again. All of a sudden, the expression on her face changed and she sat up. Still straddling my torso, this was fine with me, but now looked contemplative.

"That's what he did to me you know...he took advantage of me because I was so much weaker than him. I don't want to make you feel helpless like I did. No one should be made to feel like that"

Her saying this melted my insides "Oh, Esme." I too sat up and shifted her weight and my legs so that I could look her in the eye. "We're playing, we're having fun. He was abusing you. He was hurting you. He was doing more than taking advantage of you.

"Mae," This was the first time I called her this and never a sweeter word has passed my lips. "Sweetheart – unless you decide to bite me, or pull one of my limbs off, or indeed crush me to death, you can't hurt me. And no-one can hurt you anymore." I searched her face, stroked her hair and thought for a second, "I promise you that for as long as I'm around no one will ever hurt you again. Never."

I leant forward and kissed her gently feeling the love I had for her well up inside me. Enough – we needed to shake the melancholy that remembering her ex-husband had brought upon us.

"Let's hunt again." I knew that for Esme in those early days, no amount of hunting would satisfy her hunger, so we went often.


	7. Edward's Confession

**Chapter 7**

The rest of our time on the island passed in a blur. Esme, discovering how far her new abilities went and working hard at laying her demons to rest; and me watching her develop and find her repressed personality once more. Although she still thought and grieved over the loss of her newborn son, more and more I saw glimpses of the high spirited wild child I had met 10 years ago – she smiled more and laughed more – and I realised that I had done the right thing.

We spent time exploring every inch of the island; both of us falling in love with the idyllic place that we called home for a brief time.

As well as the island, we explored every inch of each other. Awakening in me desires and passions that until that time I did not know existed. Moments of awkwardness stemming from my inexperience were covered with laughter and kisses. She of course had been married before and did have some experience in the 'pleasures' of the 'flesh', even though those experiences had not been very pleasurable for her. She guided me and taught me as I taught her about her new life, and together we discovered new heights of ecstasy. My new love was more potent than any drug, more satisfying than any blood and for the first time in my long existence I felt complete.

One morning we lay spent, yet satisfied, entwined in each other's arms on the south facing beach. Esme picked her head up and listened intently. Her senses were still so much more heightened than mine – I strained to hear what had disturbed her. Wait, there it was, a boat was approaching from the North. We pulled our clothes on and ran to the other side of the island where I couldn't contain my relief at the sight of Edward returning. It was at this point that I decided there were some things I did not want him knowing about our stay on the island and began to use classical compositions to mask my thoughts as I remembered that he had previously told me when I thought about concerts he could only hear the music.

He swam to shore and greeted both of us with warm embraces. He had large black circles under his curiously burgundy eyes and I insisted that we hunt immediately before he told us about his time away. The quizzical looks he was giving me told me that he knew I was masking something, not surprising really as the soundtrack of classical music had been playing in my mind since he reached the island, but he was gentlemanly enough not to ask. Although I would imagine that he read Esme and found out more than enough.

After our hunt Esme went for a swim to allow Edward and I some time alone – the dynamic of our group was going to change dramatically and I needed to discuss this with him. As it turns out he needed to divulge some things to me too.

"Carlisle – don't be angry with me, I have not been as you would have wanted me to be over the past 3 months. I take it you have noticed the change in my eye colour? – Is that why you are masking your thoughts from me? Are you disappointed in me? You must be." Edward looked at the sand he was scuffing with his toe – a vision of despondency. I thought carefully before I answered.

"Yes, I did notice your eyes – but assumed there was some explanation that you either would or wouldn't give me. The fact that you are here tells me that you have not turned away from 'vegetarianism' completely. But no, that's not why I'm masking my thoughts."

I let a picture of Esme smiling at me and the love I felt for her come to the forefront of my mind to put Edward's mind at ease. He looked up at me and smiled a lopsided grin.

"Oh, ok, enough said." He grinned again before the crestfallen look returned to his face. He sat on the sand and motioned for me to sit next to him.

"Before I left I looked into your and Esme's heads. I saw her ex-husband and what he did to her, and I saw how strongly you felt about her. I would do anything for you Carlisle, and I know that if you love Esme, I will love her too." He paused and lowered his voice to the barest whisper, presumably so that even with Esme's heightened hearing she would not hear him as far out to sea as she was. "I read from Esme where I could find him. When I returned to the mainland I set out for Ohio – to find Charles."

I closed my eyes, I could tell where this was going.

"I killed him Carlisle. I killed Charles Evenson. I drank his blood, and I enjoyed it."

I placed my hand on Edward's shoulder. I could only feel compassion for this boy who tried so hard to do the right thing.

"That's not all." His voice sunk even lower as his head dropped into his lap. Even I had to strain to hear him now. "There were more. I was horrified by what I saw in Charles Evenson's head and the thought that there were others out there doing the same thing to helpless women and children. I took it upon myself to seek them out and kill them. I would go into bars and read the people in there, following the ones that had carrying out abuse on their minds. Carlisle, I realised that I was turning into a monster, enjoying the thrill of the chase and allowing my blood lust freedom. No better than them. It was so hard to stop again."

"But you did," I reminded him.

"What will you tell Esme?" he asked me.

"Nothing, she doesn't need to know. She just needs to forget that evil man now"

And I never did tell her.


	8. True Love

**Chapter 8**

So yes, I recognise the look on Edwards face. It's the same look I had on my face when I saw Esme for the first time and every time I have seen her since. Seeing it on my son's face brought all the memories of her changing and those first few weeks and months with Esme by my side flooding back.

I know he feels the same way about Bella as I feel about Esme, although I'm not sure he recognises it yet. He has a physical need, a want, a longing for her, but it goes deeper than that. She is his soul mate – his eternal companion. Esme is my friend, my lover and my wife. She is my sustenance and she completes my soul. Even now after all these years, being away from her makes my heart ache. If I'm away from her I want to be near her. If I'm near her I want to be touching her, if I'm touching her I want to be holding her, if I'm holding her I want to be kissing her, and if I'm kissing her...well...

Her skin feels like silk and her gentlest touch makes me shudder with longing and anticipation. The idea that Edward has found someone that makes him feel like that fills me with joy.

But, Bella is mortal. She will age and she will die. Whether she feels the same way about him or not, I don't know. Alice is the only one who can look into the future with any authority and suggest how things will progress, but even then there is no certainty. Perhaps Bella will choose our way of life. If she does, Edward will have to find it in himself to change her as it not my place to, and nor would I take from him this most intimate of deeds with his one true love.

I hope for his sake that she reciprocates his love in time. I managed 10 years without my Esme and they were the hardest of my existence. I don't know what I would have done if I had not found her.'

*********************************************************

"Are you done?" Carlisle felt the lightest of touches on his neck and turned his chair to embrace his wife of nearly 90 years, feeling all the emotions and longings welling inside him that he had just been writing about.

"I only read the first few pages while you were typing and then had to make some phone calls, may I read the rest?"

"My darling, Mae," he said, using the name he had given her on the island all those years ago, and that only he was permitted to use. "It's about you, of course you can read it. I only hope you are not angered by any of the choices Edward and I made then, or saddened by reliving those hard times."

She kissed him tenderly and he pulled her onto his lap, and, not wanting to be separated from her yet, he whispered huskily into her hair. "Do you have to read it now? Or...?"

She punched him playfully on the arm, "Behave yourself, Dr. Cullen! All our children are home, and they all have exceptionally good hearing." Esme stood up with a smile and shooed him out of the chair. "Go and make yourself useful," she ordered. "I'll come find you when I'm done."

With that she turned to the computer and Carlisle sulkily went to join his rowdy family down stairs.


	9. Love, Everlasting

**Chapter 9**

A blur of caramel hair and flowing skirt flew down the stairs into the arms of her bemused looking adopted first born.

"Oh, Edward, you did that for me?" asked Esme, her voice rough with emotion, "I never knew." She hugged him tightly to her and kissed his forehead. Realisation dawned on him as he looked into her head to see what all the fuss was about.

"It was a long time ago," he said, "but I'd do it all again for you. He hurt you so badly, Esme. I'm glad I did it." She kissed his forehead again and walked slowly across the room towards Carlisle leaving the others to wonder at the bizarre exchange that had just taken place.

Taking Carlisle's hand she led him out of the house into a run through the woods until they were above the tree line and above the clouds. As they stood facing each other the unencumbered sunlight made their skin sparkle like the fresh snow that surrounded them.

"You, Dr Carlisle Cullen, are my soul mate," Esme started. "You came into my life when I could see nothing but darkness and you turned that darkness into light. You gave me back my life and you became my life. I couldn't count the number of times I thought about you and fantasised about you saving me from Charles when he was at his worst."

Carlisle opened his mouth to speak, but she placed her finger over his lips and shook her head.

"Even on the day I tried to end my life, even through my incapacitating grief, I thought of you. I wondered if you would have been able to save my child. I wondered if you would hate me for preferring to end my life rather than go on alone. I wondered how it would feel for you to wrap your arms around me and whether I'd believe you if you told me that everything was going to be alright."

"Then, like an angel, there you were. I thought I'd died and that you were there with me in heaven. When I realised that I was alive – I was glad."

"If Bella feels about Edward the way I feel about you, and always have done since the moment I saw you, then somehow, some way it will work."

She stepped into him then, wrapped her porcelain arms around his neck, and looked up into his face. Carlisle slowly bent his head and kissed her bottom lip with excruciating tenderness. Pulling away so that he could look into her golden eyes he whispered, "I love you, Mrs Cullen. Oh dear God, how I love you." It was almost with pain that he spoke and Esme smiled at the crack in his voice. This time it was her that moved pulling his head lower still and kissing first the left and then the right hand corner of his mouth. She loosened her grip on his neck and took his left hand in her right. She ran her thumb over his wedding band, and then brought his hand to her mouth kissing each of his finger tips in turn before the even paler skin on the palm of his hand.

Laughing, he pulled her down into the snow and propped himself up on one elbow next to her. "So now I have your undivided attention, right?" He moved his body closer to hers, and although the snow around them remained un-melted, he could feel the warmth radiating from her body enticing him closer still. He ran his finger down from her exposed collarbone and across her décolletage. "No reading to be done." He placed his head on her chest as he had done many years ago, and although he would never hear her heart beat again he remembered its tempo and tapped the rhythm with his finger where her heart would be. He kissed the snow white sparkling skin at the top of her breasts and followed back up with his mouth the line that his finger had traced down pausing when he reached her neck. "None of our aurally gifted children anywhere even nearly close." He kissed her neck where the palest of pale crescent shaped scars marked the exact spot he had kissed her for the very first time. Esme exhaled and shuddered with desire – her need for him, as always, matching his for her. She turned her head and brought his face in front of hers with her hands.

"No, Carl my love, no distractions, no children, no work, just us. Now – kiss me." Carlisle chortled at her impatience leaned forward and kissed her full lips; slowly and passionately. She let out an appreciative groan and his body began to respond of its own accord. Their kissing became more passionate and fervent as they exhaled in unison, each enveloping the other in their own delectable scent, adding fuel to the fires burning inside their throats and bodies.

Although neither party were aware of the time passing, pass it must have done, for the sun was casting its last rays over the snow covered mountain tops when finally Esme sat up and stretched cat like allowing a satisfied moan to escape her lips. Carlisle took advantage of the moment to appreciate his wife's perfectly sculpted marble body.

Dressed and presentable once again they walked hand in hand through the forest. The need for haste gone, they had all the time in the world to wander. Esme lovingly pulled a twig from her husband's hair. "Let's go home," she said, "Back to our family." Carlisle smiled his agreement and they turned towards home and the future, whatever it would bring with it.


End file.
